The Night I Realize I am in Love with You

I close my eyes and imagine a flowered urn.

I imagine holding you, broken-necked

dying. I will tell you not to be afraid.

I will tell you to breathe slowly.

You are sticky with blood, your tongue

swelling, but I will not turn away.

I will press my face to yours, tell you

there is nowhere else for me to go but with you.

I want to sleep. I want to eat dead stars.

I will say your name like an animal. I will kiss you.

I will tell you that mine is a melting,

unmerciful love, that there is no such thing

as disregard. You will taste like iron, like body,

like earth. Your hair, matted, thick with blood

will smell like you, like sprouting trees.

But there is only so long I can watch

until I will start to shake, until I will want

to be washed away. I am unwilling

to let you become a trick of light, one

afternoon, a heavy body. I will curl up

beside you, will the gunman to return.

I will kiss his face to hear his phrases,

to feel his dirty hands drain me, to set the barn

on fire and let me burn away beside you.

I will have the stillest kind of sadness.

But if he never comes, I will not give up.

We will be on our backs, left in the ground.

If I can drag you, I will.

The lake is deep enough,

the fence charged.

.