23.1.10
The Night I Realize I am in Love with You
I close my eyes and imagine a flowered urn.
I imagine holding you, broken-necked
dying. I will tell you not to be afraid.
I will tell you to breathe slowly.
You are sticky with blood, your tongue
swelling, but I will not turn away.
I will press my face to yours, tell you
there is nowhere else for me to go but with you.
I want to sleep. I want to eat dead stars.
I will say your name like an animal. I will kiss you.
I will tell you that mine is a melting,
unmerciful love, that there is no such thing
as disregard. You will taste like iron, like body,
like earth. Your hair, matted, thick with blood
will smell like you, like sprouting trees.
But there is only so long I can watch
until I will start to shake, until I will want
to be washed away. I am unwilling
to let you become a trick of light, one
afternoon, a heavy body. I will curl up
beside you, will the gunman to return.
I will kiss his face to hear his phrases,
to feel his dirty hands drain me, to set the barn
on fire and let me burn away beside you.
I will have the stillest kind of sadness.
But if he never comes, I will not give up.
We will be on our backs, left in the ground.
If I can drag you, I will.
The lake is deep enough,
the fence charged.
.Continue
Sharing time.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/ieoqs0
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sharing time II
This inspired me to make you a mix.
For me, making a mix tape is often weighed down by the burden of trying to get across a message and the politics of what is actually appropriate to say to someone else via music (think "High Fidelity". Seriously...), but I wanted this to be something a little different. I wanted this to be like...if you were at my apartment this January and we were drinking coffee/eating carryout, these would be the songs that you would have been most likely to hear. There is no design to their order; some of them are songs that leaked this month, some of them are songs that have been around for a long time, and some of them have definitely lost their luster for me (I'm looking at you, Hot Chip) already. Still, here they are:
hxxp://www.mediafire.com/?wk5ntmvwd2d
(Many of you are probably familiar with the idea: change the "xx" to "tt", go, download.)
Music, like everything else, has a complicated underlying structure that isn't necessary to understand for an individual to appreciate the effect. The way that people relate to the music that other people make is kind of incredible, if you think about it: lullabies, Britney Spears, Bob Dylan, Beat Happening, hymns, dirges, you know. The whole damn thing. Songs kind of get to have it both ways: they are capable of having a permanent and and evolving structure that can exist simultaneously and unthreateningly. Totally derivative, terrible music can still bring people a lot of joy.
What are you guys listening to these days? Continue